


a winter's dream

by iosis



Category: Lamento -BEYOND THE VOID-
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 03:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2836538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iosis/pseuds/iosis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Don't look at me like this.Like it's ok for us.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	a winter's dream

**Author's Note:**

> written for a prompt someone requested on tumblr - 'Rai gets sick and Konoe does his best to help him feel better (though Rai remains in denial) - post Rai GE.

Something wasn’t right. Rai knew from the moment he kneeled down to the result of this hunt, severing the twisted horns off a monstrous heap motionless at his feet. The thing wasn’t quite a devil, but it was known to have brought fear to anyone returning to the forests to reclaim the lands once stricken by the Void. A sudden wave of dizziness washed over him as he rose, feeling suspiciously unsteady. Adrenaline rush? Weird. He tried to draw a big breath to calm himself down, but ended up choking in a series of violent coughs, resonating somewhere in his chest. Konoe made some needless comment about his health and himself exceeding his limits, poorly veiled concern in his voice that always made something within Rai’s throat tighten and get in the way. He brushed his Sanga off – there were more important matters at hand, like the lengthy journey back to Ransen – a bit of discomfort could wait. Still, as they walked side by side, he couldn’t get rid of a somewhat foreign sensation in his body.  
Dusk settled when they came to a halt upon reaching a clearing. Thin lines of smoke rose on the horizon – the outskirts of Ransen only a few hours away if they sped up. It would have been wise, Rai thought, to commit to the final stretch and reach the town before the Moon of Day sunk completely into the thick fringe of pine. There, they could find proper nourishment and rest, not to mention there was a bounty to collect – but then there was the sudden temptation to remain where they were. He sighed, looking up at the dimming sky. His body felt heavy, sluggish, as if completely worn out in battle. Each step was a strain, let alone the effort of cutting their way through the thick undergrowth of the forest. No, seeking an alternative would be an acceptable logical solution, not a sign of weakness, he decided.  
‘We’ll stop here for the night.’ He hoped he sounded adamant, not sure if he could bear his companion questioning his decision or god forbid his wellbeing right now. If Konoe was confused or disagreed with this adjustment to their journey, he didn’t show it.

  
‘It’s been a long day. ’ the smaller cat lowered his ears in compliance, unceremoniously dumping his sack on the grass. Rai reached for the flit and tinder – though he knew Konoe disliked the fire, sleeping outside this late in autumn was an idea far from bright. Soon, a feeble flame took up, drawing them into a halo of light, warming up his hands.

  
Rai settled down by the fire, leaning against the trunk of an old tree, cloak and sword discarded. His mind felt clouded, and he choked back another series of coughs, pointedly avoiding the worried glance Konoe sent his way. This was just fatigue, he told himself, a natural reaction to winter’s approach, waking up to frozen puddles and hoarfrost staining the forest silver. There’s no way the humiliation of his own body’s betrayal could be on him now. He just needed rest.

 

****

Konoe woke up not long after dawn, limbs numb from the cold, tail wrapped around his body. In contrast, a familiar warmth was settled along the small of his back. He savoured the moments of serenity, enveloped in Rai’s loose embrace, a silver strand of hair finding its way over his own shoulder. Konoe ran his fingers through it, an affectionate gesture he expected his companion to reject. Rai, however, showed no signs of discomfort – or of being awake, come to think of it. This in itself was strange – for the past year or so, Konoe always woke up to the crackling of a fire or the screech of a blade being sharpened, a playful remark or a hand in his hair (occasionally there’s been the softness of a kiss to the base of his neck on the quieter of mornings, but regardless, Rai was always up first).

‘Time to wake up, sleepy cat.’ He muttered, crawling out from under Rai’s arm. He took up the signt before him – the older male instantly curled up in a fetal position, arms around his torso in attempt to retain warmth. A strange pallour stained his face; his forehead glistened with sweat. It took quite some time to shake him awake, and the first thing that Rai saw were two amber orbs staring at him, radiating concern.

‘Hey, what’s wrong?’

Rai attempted to answer, but another fit of coughs came, so intense a dull ache shot through his temples. His face and ears felt like they were aflame; he had to focus to stop his hands from shaking. Overall, this situation didn’t look very promising.

“Who’s the stupid cat now?’ Konoe huffed, holding a flask to Rai’s dry, cracked lips. A blue eye shot daggers at him; nonetheless, Rai drank, greedy gulps, the water gone almost instantly. “I told you, you need to take care of yourself!’

‘You.’ His Touga drew a breath, wiping a trembling hand across his mouth. ‘You don’t need to make such a big deal out of this’

‘It’s not like I’m exaggerating…’ Konoe rummaged through his travel sack – they were running low on nourishment, let alone medicine. Drowning out Rai’s tirade of ‘I just need to rest a bit, I’ll sleep it off, don’t be an idiot, I’m fine’, he gathered their belongings.

‘You’re obviously ill, and don’t even attempt to grump your way out of this. We need to get you to Ransen. Get a bed and some warmth as soon as possible, and I can look for something medicinal in the marketplace’

‘You _are_ exaggerating…and hey, I don’t need medicine’, Rai spat, but struggled to his feet, drawing the cape tighter around his body. Konoe was right – as reluctant as he was to admit that and show the younger cat his current pathetic state, staying in one place until recovery came would be counterproductive. Besides, they were almost there.

 

***

The remainder of the journey to Ransen proved to be quite troublesome – Rai was unstable on his feet, lacking the usual grace with which he slid through the undergrowth, lithe and deadly. A couple of times he lost his footing, with Konoe swift to steady him by the elbow, only to have his Touga retreat from him with a scowl. Only after he barely avoided an embarrassing descend down a grassy hill did Rai reluctantly agree to snake his arm around Konoe’s neck, leaning onto him with a sigh of ‘stupid cat’. They kept quiet for the rest of the way, a strange sense of déjà vu in the air.

It was decided to stop at one of the first inns on the outskirts – easier than manoeuvring a feverish Rai all the way to Bardo’s. The upstairs room Konoe hastily paid for barely had enough space for the two beds crammed into it, dangerously close to the fireplace, but Rai didn’t seem to care. Not even bothering to undo his cloak, the white cat sank onto one of the mattresses, burying himself beneath the blankets.

‘Do you want the fire on?’ Konoe asked – the thin walls of the structure did little to stop the winter chill. Rai didn’t answer, but the mound of blankets and angry cat was visibly trembling. He lowered himself beside his Touga, leaning so he could see his face. Rai’s forehead was covered by a thin veneer of sweat, cheeks flushed eyelids and nose puffy – overall his state seemed progressively worse. Noticing his concerned expression, Rai huffed and turned away.

‘Listen, I want you to stay here and rest. I won’t be gone for long, just down to the main street, there should be a few medical stalls there.’ As much as he didn’t want to leave Rai by himself, he couldn’t bear just sitting there and watching him suffer. When no reply came, he sighed, fastening the travel sack around his belt. Before leaving, he dragged the covers off his own bed and draped them over his companion, hoping to provide some extra warmth. The last thing he saw before slipping out the door was a narrowed blue eye glaring at him, a grumble of ‘Do I really have a choice?’ following him down the stairs.

Despite frequenting Ransen quite often, he still found himself disorientated by the lively flare of colour and noise, cats from all over Sisa streaming through the marketplace. Without Rai’s lead to follow, he was concerned with getting lost, so instead he took a detour to the one place he was always able to locate even on his first visits that fateful autumn – Tokino’s shop. Reunion with his childhood friend was always sweet, their mutual greeting gesture filling Konoe with joyful warmth - but this time he could barely think about anything other than getting back to Rai as soon as possible. Luckily Tokino understood – he was instantly served, accompanied by merry chatter of ‘No problem at all’ and ‘Our doors are always open to welcome you when Rai-san gets better’. With a satchel of supplies under his arm, a few dried kuims in his bag, and the promise to come visit in a few days, Konoe hurried back to the inn.

He could hear Rai’s wheezing cough all the way from the staircase, which the white cat immediately tried to stifle, drawing his knees to his chest defensively, as soon as Konoe burst through the door. He kept silent, silver hair hiding his face from view, but Konoe felt his gaze linger as he threw the content of the satchel on the bed and moved to fumble with the fireplace.

‘Must you?’ Rai breathed, ‘It’s boiling as it is’

Reaching out for another flask of water, Konoe lowered himself down beside his companion. ‘You’re running a fever, it’s expected for you to feel hot. Best to keep you warm though, ok? It’d help if you drank something.’

The offered drink was rejected with a hiss of irritation, Rai shifting to increase the distance between them. His tail lashed out in restless motion; the air between them tense.

‘Have it your way,’ Konoe cocked his head to the side ‘but I’d like you to swallow powdered medicine without water’

‘I already told you, I don’t need your damned medicine!’

‘You’re being irrational,’ and unnecessarily melodramatic, Konoe thought. He made an awkward gesture of leaning across towards Rai to nudge the point of his knee with his head. ‘I’m just trying to help you feel better, you know…’ he mumbled somewhere into Rai’s chausse.

‘And your pity is the last thing that’s gonna make me feel better, you daft thing.’ Rai replied, but the initial coldness in his voice was gone.

‘I’m not doing this to humiliate you, you…’ Konoe bit his lip nervously ‘Besides, it’s better for the Sanga if his counterpart is back in good health as soon as possible, is that not so?’

‘You really are a stupid cat.’ Rai sighed, hand flying up to massage his temple. ‘Not like I really care, though. Give it here.’

‘The powder should bring down the fever, this mixture seems to be some kind of cough syrup…’ Konoe mumbled, skimming over the labels on each package before handing them to Rai, ‘And this is supposed to be an overall immune system boost’.

‘How tiresome.’ Rai tore through the paper packaging with a frown, forehead creased. He still seemed awfully tense, but he obediently gulped down the substances in question – ‘dubious, but consumable.’

‘Satisfied yet?’ Rai arched an eyebrow, retreating back into his bundle of sheets. Their eyes met – despite the situation, Konoe felt a twinge of amusement (or was it endearment?) at the sight of rounded ears peeking above the embroidered trim of the sheet.

‘Will you leave me alone now? Go wander around the village or something,’ Rai’s voice was muffled as he curled up and pulled the blanket up to his nose.

Konoe briefly considered the option – a cat of Karou, used to living in harmony with the forest - the rising blocks of foreign material, the dust and lividness of Ransen felt alien to him. Instead, he opted on settling onto his own bed, close by Rai’s side. He carried a few books Bardo lent him on their last visit to the inn – the older cat seemed to notice his interest in history and was happy to indulge. Books were interesting – they allowed him to leave the present behind, to forget the unease at Rai’s current vulnerability, the worry for Sisa’s recovery. Lost among the yellowed paged he was submerged in a world before the heavy weight of that who wasn’t quite Konoe himself had formed; he was almost able to feel how Sisa came to be, to see the events long gone, just like he would with his empathy.  
Konoe wasn’t sure how much time passed – long shadows crept along the walls when he was shaken out of his reverie. Just now, he thought he heard Rai speak his name. Were his ears betraying him?

‘Konoe…’

No, there is was again. He swiftly moved to Rai’s side – even after a year or so of being practically inseparable, it was quite rare, for his Touga to use his name.

‘Konoe, what in the devils’ name did you feed me?’ A blue eye stared at him in what Konoe interpreted as curiosity. Rai’s face was still flushed, but his forehead felt cool beneath Konoe’s hand.

‘Good, your fever has broken!’ This was certainly a good sign – Konoe smiled, relieved. He was honestly taken aback when the white cat returned the gesture, a relaxed expression instead of his usual smirk.

‘I don’t…feel so well. Is everything supposed to be hazy?’ Rai inquired, extracting his arm from beneath the blankets to close his hand around Konoe’s wrist, unexpectedly gentle. A warmth not unlike adoration spread in the general vicinity of his chest as Rai held his gaze. Rai was acting strange, but it was endearing rather than concerning.

‘Ah, that’s right.’ Tokino’s words suddenly rang is his head. ‘The medication has side effects, and can have a sedative quality to it in large doses. Maybe this has something to do with your sensitivity…’

‘It’s a strange sensation, almost like I’m floating.’ Rai commented, eyebrow quirking up. ‘Weird, but it’s… it’s of comfort.’

‘I see’ Konoe’s grin broadened. Tentatively, he reached out to run his fingers through the silver strands, brushing Rai’s hair off his face. ‘Well, good. Sleep now, your body needs rest. You’re bound to feel better in the morning.’

‘I feel completely out of it…’ Rai nothing else but complained - and leaned into Konoe’s touch, into the fingers in his hair. The smaller cat stilled in surprise as his companion blatantly nuzzled into his hand. ‘I. Um.’ – He broke off, shot a quick glance at Konoe and averted his gaze again, uncertainty evident on his face. ‘You. Would you mind staying like this with me for a while?’

This was rare, Rai completely and utterly open to him, open to every caress and touch, Rai welcoming, affection. Konoe felt as though said affection took a physical form, streaming from somewhere within him, enshrouding his Touga as it overflowed from his fingertips, his lips as he bent down to plant a kiss to Rai’s cheekbone. He moved his hand to massage Rai’s temple, the nape of his neck, the divide that the black line of the eyepatch formed across the silky stands. Encouraged by a satisfied sigh, he kissed the outline of a rounded ear, claws gently tracing its base. Absent minded, he remembered the habit that Rai made out of grooming him, basking in the relaxed atmosphere, all tension from earlier melting away.

‘Don’t look at me like that.’ Rai broke the comfortable silence, his sigh almost reproachful. Konoe blinked – he didn’t realise he was staring.

‘Huh?’

‘Like it’s ok for me to…’ Rai’s voice was barely audible. ‘Be like this . Like it’s – it’s ok for us.’

‘Like what?’ Konoe furrowed his brow. ‘You’re not making much sense, you know.’

But Rai ceased talking for the meantime. His breathing gradually slowed, ears sloping to the sides in content. They stayed like that for a while, before Konoe remembered something else from before.

‘A song. Would you like one?’

Steely blue peeked at him from beneath long lashes, affection usually so well concealed in Rai's voice. ‘Sing…’

  
So Konoe sings. He sings, from the bottom of his heart, from all the love he carries within himself – a song with no words, yet the meaning is so very clear. As Rai falls asleep, basking in the unseen strands of silent chords, for some reason he thinks of snow, of flakes sticking to his eyelashes, blending with his hair. They’re unexpectedly soft. Tomorrow he’ll hopefully wake in a more suitable condition and probably hide a flush of embarrassment at the memory of tonight, and will most certainly deny all the things Konoe made him feel, small and grand. But he’ll remember these feelings – he’ll cherish it all. The song, too. That, and the knowledge that this – this really was alright for them.


End file.
